You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
