Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
