Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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