You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
