Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
