i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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