yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize