listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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