im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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