Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
