grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Randomize
