to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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