why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
