It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize