i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
