shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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