While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
