Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
