guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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