Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am one with the molecules
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
