I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
