I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
