I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
