do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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