I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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