I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
