is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize