I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
