Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize