how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize