i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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