took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
