Non-Jews are for practice
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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