I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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