my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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