There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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