we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
