fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
