hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
