I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
