Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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