Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
