you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize