Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
