I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
