I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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