i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
