We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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