he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
