Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
