ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
