I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
