Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
