sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
