I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
