"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize