I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
