my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
