JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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