also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
