I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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