Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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