I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
