so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
