ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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