Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
