Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
