Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
