They should really pass out barf bags in church
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize