Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
