Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
